Okay…..your eyes are not playing tricks on you….this picture is not only a “not-so-great” version of me, but it is truly out of focus. My youngest son had to endure hanging out at the hair salon one day, and boredom got the best of him. He found the camera in my purse and became totally focused on taking pictures of anything and everything!
This picture has become a funny reminder to me that our vision for our life can be much the same way. Sometimes we have “fuzzy focus.” We aren’t really sure about what we truly want. We make choices, do what we feel we “should” do, and then wake up one day, wondering why we are so unfulfilled. We often know what we DON’T want, not what we DO want. However, when we gain more clarity of our life’s vision, we begin to make intentional choices that ultimately create more fulfillment and meaning in our lives.
Also, in the midst of doing what it takes to create that life we envision, our “TO DO” list becomes difficult or scary (much like my picture…beauty has its “down” moments!). We want to give up before we even get started. Showing up in a way that we want to be and following through ALL THE WAY TO THE FINISH is not always easy, but do not be discouraged! Sometimes, we have to go through uncertainty before we can get to the outcome we want! (Just imagine if I had become discouraged about my new hairdo before my stylist had completely finished. Now, THAT is a scary thought!!!!)
The same holds true for the vision you and your partner create together….what you want your relationship to be like in this world. Sometimes difficult conversations are necessary and new skills are needed, because the old habits no longer work for the relationship.
To take the first steps toward a vision for your relationship, ask yourself and your mate the following questions:
1. What is already working in the relationship?
2. What do each of you want for this marriage?
3. What will that give your relationship?
4. How do YOU want to show up in this relationship?
5. What would support this identity for you?
6. What would you like to start happening and stop happening in your relationship right now?
7. What talents, strengths, and gifts does your spouse contribute to the relationship?
8. What strengths and values do YOU have that could contribute MORE to the relationship?
9. What resources and alternatives could help empower this vision you both have?
10. What would these changes mean for you, your spouse, and others in your life?
So, don’t let your relationship continue to look like my “bad hair-do” photo. Take some time to reflect on these questions with the one you love!
“A vision we give to [ourselves] of who and what [we] could become has power when it echoes what the spirit has already spoken into [our] souls.” ~Larry Crabb