A Thought for Today

Thankful for TodayA dear person dies suddenly of unknown causes. A request is rejected. The scale lies about self-worth. Test results seem to take forever. The daily calendar shows more of a need for approval and flurry than living authentically.

At some point, after many days of such happenings, I begin to believe the lies I tell myself.

  •  “I am not doing enough.”
  • “I do not have enough…time, money, energy.”
  • “I am not taking care of enough.”
  • “I have not connected enough.”

Then, as I drop a bowl of eggs all over myself, I am forced to stop and the floodgates open. My very happy Brittany spaniels come to my rescue, licking at the eggs, my tears, and anything else they can find.

 I stop…..breathe……and take notice.

My sons are laughing happily at a funny song. The crock pot is bubbling with a delicious soup my husband made this morning. My paintbrushes sit on the counter, waiting for the next inspired moment. The sun is shining…..AND, my doggies are now sitting calmly at my feet, looking up at me with their cute little eyes.

I become overwhelmed with the most incredible sense of gratitude.

I am so thankful for this moment.

 

“Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons.”

 -Ruth Ann Schabacker

 

What gifts do you notice in this moment today?

 

 

The Mistaken Thought That May Be Keeping You Stressed

Imperfection Bedhead

In working with lots of successful but stressed out individuals and couples, one thought pattern that seems to prevail is the pursuit of perfection….whether it is perfection or “shoulds” in themselves, their spouse, co-workers, children, personal belongings, body image, an event or a task.

So does this mean that you should never try to succeed? No!

You can choose to strive toward EXCELLENCE vs. perfection.

 The need to be perfect comes from a place of low self-worth and “I am not enough” while striving for excellence comes from a place of integrity, wanting to give 100% yet having compassion for yourself and others (with maybe a bit of humor) when you don’t hit the mark.

How you can tell if you are mistakenly choosing perfection:

  • You may not try something at all because you are afraid to fail.
  • You avoid doing tasks outside of your comfort zone.
  • You tell yourself you need more of something.
  • You say YES to more than is helpful and become overwhelmed.
  • You procrastinate.
  • Your need to accomplish something at all cost compromises your other values.
  • You allow other people to disappoint you.
  • You get very stressed and anxious.
  • You blame others or something else for not accomplishing your goal.
  • You use the word “should” a lot.
  • You give up.

The benefits of choosing excellence:

  • You are less stressed.
  • You are choosing authenticity and integrity.
  • You are resourceful without compromising your values.
  • You appreciate others’ differences.
  • You can more fully enjoy and engage in the present moment.
  • You have better relationships with others.
  • You are more open to possibility and opportunities otherwise not seen if more stressed.
  • You experience more gratitude and need less.
  • You exercise more courage, thus are more likely to create a more meaningful life.
  • You utilize your sense of humor and laughter more, which can help create a longer life.

So, the next time you want to do something, whether it is take up an art class, improve a relationship, throw a party, take on a project with a team at work, get healthier, or deal with a bad hair day, choose to take a deep breath and work toward excellence while seeing the beauty in the challenge….the obstacles…and the imperfect.

How to Hit Your RESET Button

reset button

Life gets crazy. Sometimes the weeks feel so out of my control that I find myself just wanting to climb into bed and pull the covers over my head. Having goals, to do lists, kids, and bill paying are enough, but when I add my own “stinking thinking” into the mix, I concoct one heck of a scenario for myself! Words like SHOULD, ALWAYS/NEVER, BUT, THEY DO IT BETTER, NOT ENOUGH flood my head like a river after a rainstorm.

So, now when red flags occur, I reach for that big, red shiny button that says RESET!

 I go into the nurturing space of my home, alone.

 I start small….with just me. I choose to do something sensory-driven to re-center from the battle wounds I have inflicted on myself. I paint, putter, read, walk, chop vegetables, drink coffee on the patio as a fire in the chimnea blazes, repot a plant, nap, wash the kitchen floor by hand, drink lots of lemon water, clean a toilet, juice some carrots, journal…but most of all, breathe.

 Then, I find myself calming down and letting go of the world around me. Time becomes more like “flow.” The raging currents of the river in my head slows to a trickling stream. I am able to think…to discern and reconsider decisions I have made during the prior weeks:

  • Obligations that need a NO.
  • Time commitments rescheduled to align with my greatest values of spiritual connection/family/passion-driven work.
  • Refueling self-care routines that have been neglected (like the beautiful blouse that needs ironing, vegetables to wash and chop for delicious salads, fingernails screaming for lotion and an emery board, the purse that now looks like part file cabinet/trash can/ kid tote).

 Once my brain becomes like a trickling brook, something magical happens. I get inspired!

  • I create something that, in the past, has perplexed me.
  • I complete a writing deadline with ease.
  • I decide to connect with someone that proves to be mutually nourishing, and often propels me to participate in an opportunity I didn’t know even existed.
  • I find that “solution” that has eluded me.

Working with the energy that comes from inspiration vs. the negative energy of obligation then becomes more and more a part of my life.

 I am “KIM” again! 🙂

 Tips for hitting YOUR reset button:

1. Avoid COMPARISON with others about how you need to devise your time in order to get “centered.” Comparison is like poison to your self-esteem and soul. 

2. Say NO if you are NOT ABSOLUTELY WANTING to do something. Time is a resource that, if misused, you can only blame yourself. (And, blame is not a good place to go with yourself!) 

3. Create a list of ways you really enjoy refueling. We often forget that true self care is not about indulgence, but fueling our tanks in order to be the person we want to be in this world.

4. Carve out a HUGE chunk of time to RESET. Be daring. Take a day, weekend or an entire WEEK off from work. The crazier you feel your life is, the more time you need. Make it significant and make it count!

5. Write an “I AM” statement.  Click here for instructions. When you are NOT being the person you want to be, your “I AM” statement is a compass….. and helps you see RED FLAGS of when you are getting off track, before life really gets out of hand.

6. Complete the following statement: “When my life is ideal, I AM…..” Describe what you would be doing (not what others would be doing). List at least 10 descriptors. Then highlight your top 5. How is your life currently aligned with those actions? What could you do to further align to those actions?

7. Etch out an ABSOLUTE YES LIST. From your top 5 highlighted statements, create what you most value. Begin to separate from activities, obligations, commitments that do not align with your Absolute YES list.

8. Choose COURAGE when making decisions about how you want to align and “show up” in this life each day. “Stinking Thinking” and limiting beliefs as described here, can trick us into not having the courage to live the amazing life we were DIVINELY given.

9. Practice GRACE with yourself and others. No one is perfect, nor should they be. See the GIFT despite your imperfections. See the GIFT within your imperfections.

10. Reach out and get perspective from someone who has your best interest at heart. This is not always family or the closest people to you…not because they don’t love and care for you, but because your changes could directly impact their lives. Choose someone who really SEES your true essence, but is somewhat detached from your choices for your life, such as a mentor, coach, trusted spiritual advisor, or someone you deeply admire.

As you commit to a life driven by your ABSOLUTE YES LIST, you will let go of the negative energy of obligation and work from a powerful energy source of inspiration, passion and purpose.

“Creating a meaningful life is boldly taking a stand against evil.

 –Kim Kompel

Much joy and peace,

Kim

 

What is Your Problem?

Getting honest quote-3

When a client comes to me, we often begin the conversation with what they think is their problem, only to find the undercurrent of her challenge stems from a different area of her life. For example, feelings of frustration with hubby can often flow from resentment about her workaholism and perfectionism due to the need for approval. Once the true problem has been identified, action steps can be more easily taken to create a better relationship with herself AND her hubby!

Today’s Action Step:

What is your problem? Write it down then ask yourself, “If ___ happens, what do you fear will happen next?” Keep asking that question after each answer until you begin to see how it may reflect back to you and a problem you have within your power to change.

If you have any questions about this exercise, feel free to contact me at kim@kimkompel.com.

Much joy and peace,

Kim

How to Create a Beautiful Life

550184_60269311My heart aches for a client. She has had unspeakable things done to her as a child. However, despite that, she has made a successful life for herself…but at this particular crossroad, her confidence feels shattered. Also, her husband’s heart feels a million miles away from her even though they are still married and have great kids. Then, to top things off, she grapples with having the energy levels for her high energy job, much less having the energy it will seemingly take to make positive changes in her life. So, the tears flow.

This client is not the first client to come into coaching with such a heavy heart. Usually, a first question they ask is, “Where do I begin? I feel so overwhelmed.” So….we grab our shovels and begin to dig around. The following is an overview of some “first steps” toward lasting change.

FIRST THINGS FIRST: In coaching, this “digging around” is about finding the nuggets of not only what really hurts but what is in her that she can further develop as tools (her strengths). Also, we really assess her truest values (and this is not always what people think). We, then, look at her deepest fears, core beliefs, and the top two needs that are driving her. Then, our work also sheds light on habits that are keeping her stuck. Sometimes this can be quite the surprising step.

DECIDE WHERE TO GO: The most complex question I have found in coaching is asking the client, “What do you truly want from this opportunity?” After we laugh about wanting a magic wand to change her husband or co-worker or pocketbook, we get to the heart of what she wants from what she is saying she wants. Sometimes, however, due to so much unbelief that anything could ever change, clients have lots of difficulty giving themselves permission to look deeply into their heart to discover what their deepest, truest desires include…..a vision for their future life.

BE THE CHANGE: As we come to a clearer vision, before we can go any further, as Gandhi has said, “We must [first] be the change we want to see in the world.” Although this can be quite the challenging step, once a person “gets it,” they begin to see ripple effects in other people, circumstances, and opportunities in their lives they never thought possible. Sadly, this is also where some people choose to stop working if they do not have strategic support. They do not feel comfortable enough with the uncertainty that a next stepping stone will exist. So, I hold her hand, provide the structure for change and help clear the path with specific strategies.

After all the digging around, unearthing stepping stones and planting seeds of strategy, the most amazing event occurs. A most beautiful life is revealed in ways that can only come from the Divine.

I love my job!